wegotoeleven

Bringing this blog back from the dead

Sun, 09 Aug 2026 00:45:52 +0100

This blog has been dead for years. It wasn’t deliberate, more the sort of dead that happens when you keep meaning to sort it out and then don’t, for the better part of a decade. At some point I’d archived everything into a flat folder of Markdown files and images and left it there. Today I actually finished the job.

The site now runs on Hugo with the PaperMod theme. Hugo takes a folder of Markdown files and turns them into a full static website at build time, and PaperMod is a ready-made visual theme for it, so I didn’t have to design anything from scratch, which was exactly the problem that had killed this blog’s relaunch more than once before.

Migrating the old export was mostly mechanical: every post became a Hugo “page bundle”, meaning its own folder containing an index.md and any images it needs, sitting right next to each other. Two sections came out of it: technical (this stuff) and travelling, an archive of a five-month trip round South East Asia in 2011 that had never been properly online before.

The genuinely fiddly part was dates. The technical posts were fine, with dates already sitting in the front matter. Most of the 35-odd travel posts weren’t so simple: no date field, no dated photo, and no useful git history, because the whole lot had been dumped into the repo in a single bulk-import commit years after they were written. Working out when they’d actually happened meant:

Pulling dates out of the handful of posts that did have a dated photo attached
Cross-checking offhand details in the text, like “Thursday 17th” and “Happy Saturday”, against the 2011 calendar, which turned out to line up exactly
Going back to the source and asking for the actual trip itinerary, then using that to pin down everything else

Every date I had to guess got flagged as such right in the post’s own front matter (dateApprox: true) rather than quietly presented as fact. A wrong-looking date is still more useful than a suspiciously precise one nobody can trust.

Getting it live was the easy part by comparison: a GitHub Actions workflow builds the Hugo site and deploys it to GitHub Pages on every push to main, with the custom domain wired up through a CNAME record. The only hiccup since was GitHub deprecating Node.js 20 on its Actions runners mid-migration, which meant bumping a couple of pinned action versions to clear the warnings, though one of them still doesn’t have a fix upstream, so that warning’s stuck until GitHub ships one.

30 Steps to Vagrant and VMWare Fusion Awesomeness

Mon, 02 Mar 2020 00:00:00 +0000

Vagrant is pretty cool, but of late I’ve been having real issues finding a Vagrant base box that works with VMware Fusion OOTB. My blogging workflow (used to) involve(s) using a Vagrant box with Jekyll to generate a static site on my local Mac, and then uploading to an S3 bucket. The Vagrant Jekyll boxes weren’t up to scratch, so I’ve decided to figure out how to create my own.

This guide covers how to create the box and add it to your list of boxes, for use in specifying within a Vagrantfile. It doesn’t cover Vagrant fundementals, so I assume that you’ll have some basic knowledge in how it works before embarking on this magical quest.

Open VMware Fusion
Select “Install from disc or image” and click “Continue”
Locate the ISO for the distribution you want to install, then select “Open”, and click “Continue”.
Unselect the checkbox for “Use Easy Install”
Choose “Customize Settings”, and enter a name for the VMware file (name/OSarch, i.e. wegotoeleven/trusty64) and select “Save"
Customise the VM’s settings
1. Turn on Shared Folders
2. Set memory to desired size, at least 1024MB
3. Change the Networking to “Share with my Mac” (aka NAT)
4. Change the disk size to 40 GB and deselect “Split into 2GB files”
5. Turn off the sound card
6. Expand “Advanced USB options” and select “Remove USB Controller”
7. Untick “Share Mac printers with Linux”
Boot the VM, install the Guest OS and customise the following settings when prompted:
Host Name: Same as the second part of the name of the VMware file (i.e. trusty64)
Full Name: vagrant
User: vagrant
Password: vagrant
Once setup and at the command prompt, login and change the Root Password. When asked, set to vagrant
```
$ sudo passwd root
```

Update the OS because updates

$ sudo apt update && sudo apt upgrade -y

Update the Sudoers file with the following to allow the vagrant user sudo rights without having to authenticate with a password
```
#Defaults !visiblepw
Defaults env_keep="SSH_AUTH_SOCK"
```
Test. Is the following command outputs the current directory instead of an error, all is good
```
$ sudo pwd
```
Restart VM
```
$ sudo shutdown -r now
```
Make ssh folder
```
$ mkdir ~/.ssh
```
Set permissions
```
$ chmod 700 ~/.ssh
```

Download Vagrant authorised keys

$ wget --no-check-certificate https://raw.github.com/mitchellh/vagrant/master/keys/vagrant.pub -O ~/.ssh/authorized_keys

Set permissions on authorised keys file

$ chmod 600 ~/.ssh/authorized_keys && chown -R vagrant ~/.ssh

Install OpenSSH
```
$ sudo apt install openssh-server -y
```
Edit the SSH config file
```
$ sudo nano /etc/ssh/sshd_config
```
Restart SSH service
```
$ sudo service ssh restart
```

Install VMware Tools. Begin by mounting the VMware Tools by selecting Virtual Machines > Install VMware Tools from the menu bar menu

$ sudo mkdir -p /mnt/cdrom
$ sudo mount /dev/cdrom /mnt/cdrom
$ tar xzvf /mnt/cdrom/VMwareTools-9.2.2-893683.tar.gz -C /tmp
$ cd /tmp/vmware-tools-distrib/
$ sudo ./vmware-install.pl\

Wipe the free space on the VM to stop fragmentation

$ sudo dd if=/dev/zero of=/EMPTY bs=1M
$ sudo rm -f /EMPTY

Shutdown the VM
```
$ sudo shutdown -h now
```
Navigate to the location of your vmwarevm. By default this location is ~/Virtual Machines/.
```
$ cd ~/Virtual Machines/wegotoeleven:xenial64.vmwarevm
```
Note: Any forward slashes (/) will be translated into colons if the name of the VMware file contains a forward slash
Create a file named metadata.json and enter the following contents:
```
{
  "provider": "vmware_fusion"
}
```

Create a file named Vagrantfile and enter the following contents.

# -*- mode: ruby -*-
# vi: set ft=ruby

Vagrant.configure("2") do |config|
  config.vm.provider :vmware_fusion do |v, override|
    v.gui = false
  end
end

We next want to optimize the box to reduce it’s size:

$ /Applications/VMware\ Fusion.app/Contents/Library/vmware-vdiskmanager -d Virtual\ Disk.vmdk
$ /Applications/VMware\ Fusion.app/Contents/Library/vmware-vdiskmanager -k Virtual\ Disk.vmdk

Finally compress the box:
```
$ tar cvzf package.box ./
```

Add the box to Vagrant

$ vagrant box add wegotoeleven/xenial64 package.box

I couldn’t have done this without the following blog posts:

And yeah. I know I said 30.

Puppet, PuppetDB and Puppet Agent

Wed, 03 May 2017 00:00:00 +0000

I like the idea of desired state management systems. You define a set of criteria, and your devices will indefinitely match that criteria, returning to the “Desired State” if required. I’ve done this a few times with Jamf Pro, using smart groups, extension attributes and policies to “mimic” the functionality of a desired state management system (which was nice) but I wanted to really get to grips with a system that’s explicitly designed for this purpose. Enter the king of “Desired State” - Puppet.

In an effort to get to know Puppet, I need to build out some infrastructure. Yeah, I know there’s a learning VM (that’s really awesome, by the way), but I learn by experience. What better way than to build my own.

Assumptions

I’m not going to get into the nitty gritty of what puppet actually is and does, and I’m going to assume that if you’re reading this post, you:

Understand what Desired State is
Understand (roughly) what Puppet is and can do
Are poor / nuts, and would rather build and spin up your own servers, rather than using Puppet’s Enterprise version (which is still totally viable, but I’m a masochist)

For the purposes of this example, I will setup 3 VMs and use the following defaults:

VMware Fusion 8.5.6 to host the VMs
- Network set to custom “vmnet2” network
  - NAT
  - “Connect Host Mac to this network”
  - Provide DHCP, subnet 10.0.1.0/24
Puppet Server
- Ubuntu 16.04
- 2 x CPU Cores
- 3072MB Memory
- 50GB HDD (thin provisioned)
- Hostname puppet-server
- IP Address 10.0.1.129
Puppet Database Server
- Ubuntu 16.04
- 2 x CPU Cores
- 3072MB Memory
- 50GB HDD (thin provisioned)
- Hostname puppet-db
- IP Address 10.0.1.130
Puppet Test Client
- macOS 10.12.4
- 2 x CPU Cores
- 8192MB Memory
- 50GB HDD (thin provisioned)
- Hostname puppet-client
- IP Address 10.0.1.128

Obviously, if you’re following along with me, feel free to change any of the above defaults, but please make sure you’re changing them in the instructions below.

Network Configuration

Spin up your boxes with the above config, and set each device up to allow access via SSH (cause it’s easier like)
Rename both servers by editing the hostname file on each device, and adding the desired hostname
```
$ sudo vi /etc/hostname
```
In addition, add the hostname into the hosts file, pointing to the loopback (127.0.0.1) address under the localhost entry
```
$ sudo vi /etc/hosts
```
```
127.0.0.1       localhost
127.0.0.1       puppet-db
```

In an environment without proper DNS, do the following: 4. Set each device with a static IP address. I’m using the IP addresses specified above.

 ```bash
 $ sudo vi /etc/network/interfaces
 ```
 ```
 # The primary network interface
 		auto eth0
 		iface eth0 inet static
 		address 10.0.0.41
 		netmask 255.255.255.0
 		network 10.0.0.0
 		broadcast 10.0.0.255
 		gateway 10.0.0.1
 		dns-nameservers 10.0.0.1 8.8.8.8
 ```

Add each device into the each device’s hosts file

$ sudo vi /etc/hosts

10.0.1.129    puppet-server
10.0.1.130    puppet-db
10.0.1.128    puppet-client

Puppet Server Configuration

Install the NTP service on the Puppet server, because Puppet uses an NTP source when issuing certificates to it’s nodes
```
$ sudo apt install ntp
```

Add the Puppet repositories to the Puppet Server

$ wget https://apt.puppetlabs.com/puppetlabs-release-pc1-xenial.deb
$ sudo dpkg -i puppetlabs-release-pc1-xenial.deb
$ sudo apt update

Install puppetserver on the Puppet Server (duh)
```
$ sudo apt install puppetserver
```
In addition, install the “puppetdb-termini” package to enable the Puppet server to talk to the Puppet DB server
```
$ sudo /opt/puppetlabs/puppet/bin/puppet resource package puppetdb-termini ensure=latest
```

Create the required configuration files on the Puppet server for the connections to the PuppetDB:

routes.yaml:

$ sudo vi /etc/puppetlabs/puppet/routes.yaml

---
master:
    facts:
        terminus: puppetdb
        cache: yaml

puppetdb.conf:

$ sudo vi /etc/puppetlabs/puppet/puppetdb.conf

[main]
server_urls = https://puppet-db:8081

Edit puppet.conf

$ sudo vi /etc/puppetlabs/puppet/puppet.conf

[master]
storeconfigs = true
storeconfigs_backend = puppetdb

Ensure the permissions are correct on the Puppet configuration folder

$ sudo chown -R puppet:puppet $(sudo /opt/puppetlabs/puppet/bin/puppet config print confdir)

Set puppetserver to start automatically when the system starts

$ sudo /opt/puppetlabs/puppet/bin/puppet resource service puppetserver ensure=running enable=true

Restart the Server to pickup the above changes.

Puppet DB Server Configuration

Add the Puppet repositories to the Puppet DB Server

$ wget https://apt.puppetlabs.com/puppetlabs-release-pc1-xenial.deb
$ sudo dpkg -i puppetlabs-release-pc1-xenial.deb

Install the Database backend for PuppetDB

$ sudo sh -c 'echo "deb http://apt.postgresql.org/pub/repos/apt/ `lsb_release -cs`-pgdg main" >> /etc/apt/sources.list.d/pgdg.list'
$ wget -q https://www.postgresql.org/media/keys/ACCC4CF8.asc -O - | sudo apt-key add -
$ sudo apt update
$ sudo apt install postgresql postgresql-contrib

Setup PostgreSQL on the Puppet DB Server

$ sudo -u postgres sh

createuser -DRSP puppetdb
createdb -E UTF8 -O puppetdb puppetdb
psql puppetdb -c 'create extension pg_trgm'
exit

Restart the PostgreSQL service
```
$ sudo service postgresql restart
```
Test PostgreSQL. If this is successful, you’ll be dropped into PostgreSQL. Use \q to exit.
```
$ psql -h localhost puppetdb puppetdb
```
To configure PuppetDB to use this database, add the following details to the puppetdb database configuration file. In this example, I’m using super secret usernames and passwords. Don’t do this if you’re planning on setting this up in prod.
```
$ sudo vi /etc/puppetlabs/puppetdb/conf.d/database.ini
```
```
subname = //localhost:5432/puppetdb
username = puppetdb
password = puppetdb
```
For the subname, replace the hostname with the DB server’s hostname (or localhost if the PostgreSQL service is running on the same server), replace the port with the port on which PostgreSQL is listening (usually 5432), and replace the database with the name of the database you’ve created for use with PuppetDB. In addition, uncomment the following sections:
```
classname
subprotocol
gc-interval
```

Connecting the servers together

Install the Puppet Agent on the Puppet DB Server
```
$ sudo apt install puppet-agent
```
On the Puppet DB server, set the name of the server that the agent should connect to, replacing the server with the required hostname of the Puppet server
```
$ sudo vi /etc/puppetlabs/puppet/puppet.conf
```
```
server = puppet-server
```

Enrol the Puppet DB Server into Puppet

$ sudo /opt/puppetlabs/puppet/bin/puppet agent --test --waitforcert 60

On the Puppet Server, check to see whether the Puppet DB server has requested a certificate
```
$ sudo /opt/puppetlabs/puppet/bin/puppet cert --list
```
You should see the name of the Puppet DB server, followed by some other stuff. Accept the cert request
```
$ sudo /opt/puppetlabs/puppet/bin/puppet cert --sign puppet-db
```

On the Puppet DB server, install the puppetdb service

$ sudo /opt/puppetlabs/puppet/bin/puppet resource package puppetdb ensure=latest

Stop the puppetdb service and setup SSL

$ sudo service puppetdb stop && sudo /opt/puppetlabs/bin/puppetdb ssl-setup

Ensure the puppetdb service runs on reboot

$ sudo /opt/puppetlabs/puppet/bin/puppet resource service puppetserver ensure=running enable=true

Restart the Puppet DB server
Check the PuppetDB logs on the Puppet DB server to verify that it’s working
```
$ sudo cat /var/log/puppetlabs/puppetdb/puppetdb.log
```

Enrolling a macOS client

Install the puppet agent onto the Puppet Client, by downloading the specific version as per the OS version, from here
Install the download pkg file. When asked, specify the hostname of the server and the client
Open Terminal

Edit the Puppet configuration file and add the following contents

$ sudo vi /etc/puppetlabs/puppet/puppet.conf

[main]
logdir=/var/log/puppet
vardir=/var/lib/puppet
ssldir=/var/lib/puppet/ssl
#rundir=/var/run/puppet
factpath=$vardir/lib/facter
templatedir=$confdir/templates

[master]
ssl_client_header = SSL_CLIENT_S_DN
ssl_client_verify_header = SSL_CLIENT_VERIFY

[agent]
server=puppet-server
certname=puppet-client
report=true
pluginsync=true

Request a cert from the Puppet Server

$ sudo /opt/puppetlabs/puppet/bin/puppet agent --waitforcert 60 --test

On the Puppet DB server, run the log file and keep an eye on it
```
$ sudo tail -f /var/log/puppetlabs/puppetdb/puppetdb.log
```

Then, on the Puppet Server, check and sign the cert request from puppet-client

$ sudo /opt/puppetlabs/puppet/bin/puppet cert --list
$ sudo /opt/puppetlabs/puppet/bin/puppet cert --sign puppet-client

Using Markdown to write Documentation

Mon, 28 Sep 2015 00:00:00 +0000

I absolutely cannot stand writing documentation. Well, that’s kind of a lie; I don’t mind the actual writing, but I get too hung up on trying to make it look pretty. If you—the reader—write your own, then maybe you’ll know what I mean.

One of the best things about writing docs that’ll be hosted on-line is that the format will be based upon the site that it lives in. Take Github for example; all documentation up there looks the same. This is because they’re all written in Markdown. Markdown is a language syntax that standardises formatting which allows a writer to focus on the content that’s being written. If you’ve never seen a Github readme, check out a few:

Munki
Autopkg
Docker container for Transmission

This blog is also written in markdown. The CSS on this blog is used to apply styles to the various components of a converted markdown document. I’m not going to go into every piece of Markdown syntax as it’s not the point of this post, but hopefully you get the idea.

So how cool would it be to leverage this when writing printed documentation?

Let’s get one thing straight; Markdown was build for web rendering. So out of the box, there’s no easy way to create a document in Markdown, and export to, say, PDF or Word document.

That’s where Pandoc comes in.

Pandoc is a tool that converts files from one markup format to another. It’s a downloadable application for Mac, Windows and Linux that runs in the command line in the format of:

$ pandoc -f ${input-format} ${input-file} \
    -t ${output-format} -o ${output-file}

As standard, it uses a predefined format when it spits out a Word document, that looks not unlike Word’s default normal.dot. However, with the use of the --reference-docx option, you can specify a docx file that contains a custom format in order to format the output of the command.

For example:

$ pandoc -f markdown ~/Desktop/Documentation.markdown \
    -t docx -o ~/Desktop/Documentation.docx \
    --reference-docx ~/Desktop/Reference.docx

This will convert the file “Documentation.markdown” into a Word document called “Documentation.docx”, using the reference file “Reference.docx”

So, about these reference docx files. “Where can I get them from” I hear you shout? Well, I’ve been rather unsuccessful in my attempts to find any. So I made my own! Here’s one that looks like a rendered Markdown webpage. Plug this in to the above commands, and your markdown will “accurately” translate into printed documentation!

If you’re a Markdown writer/user, and you have a hard time focusing on content rather than design, give this a go.

Jamf Pro's Reported IP Address fun and games

Thu, 01 Jan 2015 00:00:00 +0000

I had a user with an issue recently where their Mac record in Jamf Pro was not being populated with a correct “Reported IP Address” value when connected to the company’s corporate WiFi. The IP address of the WiFi interface would report the correct value on the device and was singable.

For context, this issue:

Persisted between inventory updates
Would only ever be present when connecting to WiFi (i.e. the issue abated when disabling WiFi and connecting to Ethernet)
Would not be resolved by forgetting the SSID and/or deleting and re-adding the network interface
Would not be affected by renewing the DHCP lease.

Doing some digging, the documentation for the “Reported IP Address” field in Jamf Pro notes that:

The reported IP address is collected by the jamf binary during a check-in and can be received by executing the following command:

ifconfig

While this is technically correct, the documentation doesn’t explicitly state where this information is collected from during an inventory; it’s actually parsed from a file on disk, /Library/Preferences/SystemConfiguration/preferences.plist. Searching though this file for the incorrect IP address highlighted that the user had many, many interfaces (typically caused when moving between desks that have hubs or monitors with build in Ethernet interfaces), and one of these used a Static IP address assignment:

IPV4 = {
	Addresses = (
		"10.14.28.1"
	);
	ConfigMethod = Manual;
	...
}

Finding and removing the static IP from the above interface immediately fixed the issue the next time that the Mac checked into Jamf Pro.

It does beg the question however, whether the “Reported IP Address” collection process in Jamf Pro could be improved to validate whether the interface is connected before logging it.

Coming to an end

Sat, 04 Jun 2011 00:00:00 +0000

Coming home in 3 days. I always knew I’d feel like crap about now, but man - do I. I think travelling changes you, maybe. I’m not sure I want to go back to an office job, doing the same mundane crap day in and day out. I know the last 5 months have pretty much been the most exciting and happiest months of my life, and the thought of not being able to just get up and grab a train or bus to anywhere on a whim really makes me feel quite suffocated. Meh. At least I’m looking forward to my first paycheck, whether I’ll be working in an office or not.

I am utterly skint.

Culture shock

Wed, 01 Jun 2011 00:00:00 +0000

Being in the USA for 5 minutes; the first thing I notice is the difference in perception of time from the east. People in the west adhere to strict schedules and want to get the most of of their days by minimising “wasted” time (travelling etc). Highway displays, showing times to other routes and cities, drive-thru EVERYTHINGs, the phrase “for your convenience” is used a load. The east, people seem to appreciate their time they have, taking life at their own pace rather than feeling a pressure to be as productive as humanly possible. I always knew that we in the west squeeze every ounce of value out of the time that we have on this planet. Our drive thru chemists and Starbucks, the “time is money” ethic, doing things “better, faster and cheaper” and delivering a level of professionalism that replaces all human character in favour of robotic efficiency. I’m in a cab where the americans are arguing with the driver over a 5 minute difference, from taking one highway over another. Who cares how fast you’re going? It’s 8pm, you have no kids to get home to, at the worst, you’ll miss the first 10 minutes of “America’s Got Talent” but you’ve no doubt got TIVO, so just chill out, relax and enjoy the ride.

Frankly, if the communism and socialism of SE Asia’s only difference to our capitalism is the value of time, I’d rather be a commie.

Mekong river slowboat

Sun, 22 May 2011 00:00:00 +0000

Most people I’ve spoken to who have been to Laos have said they wish they had more time to spend there. When we arrived at Vientiane, I couldn’t really understand why. Sure it was nice and the food was great, but there isn’t much to do. Considering it’s the capital, it’s pretty empty. Vang Vieng was fun for a couple of days, but it got old very quickly. There’s only so many backflips you can do into the Mekong, a finite amount of drinking (unless you’re “party party party”, which i guess I’m not…) and about 2 or 3 decent caves to see and explore. The Blue Lagoon was awesome though. But Luang Prabang was a different story altogether. We have spent 9 days here, and even though a few of them were spent idly meandering down the main street, grabbing pastries, baguettes and really awesome pizzas, we could have stayed another week. Again, it’s not like there’s loads to do, but the atmosphere is so welcoming, friendly and relaxed that we were okay being lazy. I love it here. So I’m pretty sad that today we’re leaving for the Laos border town of Huay Xai, on our way back to northern Thailand.

It’s made so much easier though, by the fact that we’re travelling via a 50 foot river boat up the Mekong river. It’s a slow boat, so we stop for one night at Pak Beng, and then resume the journey tomorrow morning. The first leg should take about 6-8 hours, and - contrary to all literature I’ve read - it left on time. The sights were amazing. There were plenty of solitary shacks on the hillsides to the north and south of the river - we even saw a couple of herds of water buffalo. Which was cool.

It’s a bit overcast today, so every now and again the clouds split, and a shaft of light from the sky lights up the hills, casting shadows on small houses and shacks beneath them.

Beautiful. Serious, this beats 15 hour overnight bus journeys anyday.

Alms

Tue, 17 May 2011 00:00:00 +0000

Waking up at 5:00 am, regardless of the reason, is never an easy thing to do. It’s easier for me, as the curfew in Laos states I should be inside and off the streets by 11:00 pm, but regardless, I like my sleep and therefore, it’s a difficulty.

However, this morning, watching the Alms ceremony in Luang Prabang made it worth it.

Being out in the street this early, there’s not many people around. The sun is barely up, and I’m finding it very hard to keep my eyes open, or stand up straight steadily. So there’s me, on a cross roads outside my guesthouse, wobbling and bleary eyed like a drunk guy, plus bedhair - i must look a right state. At about 5:30, things start to come alive a bit more. Men, women, and children - and the occasional “Falang” (the Lao word for “White Westerners”) - start to bleed out onto the street. The Lao people carry bamboo floor sheets, small rice pots and plastic baskets, and set up on the pavement along the Sakkaline road. By about 5:45, there’s about fourty people sitting on their sheets, with a few people walking around selling Sticky Rice to tourists. I don’t buy any; I heard that you shouldn’t take part in the ceremony if you’re not a buddhist, and I don’t want to be disrespectful.

By about 5:50, I spy a cloud of orange in the distance up the Sakkaline road. I check my camera to make sure I don’t need to use my flash, and set up on a small corner on the opposite side of the procession. As the monks approach, I get a very humbled feeling. Everything is quiet, there are no cars, tuk tuks or motos, and everyone is kneeling, eyes to the floor, handing out small balls of rice to the monks passing by.

By 6:00, the monks have passed and have turned west on the crossroads. Even though I’m knackered, an experience well worth the trouble of waking up so early. I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t slightly emotional. No wonder people love Luang Prabang.

Laos it bruv, part 2

Mon, 09 May 2011 00:00:00 +0000

“Laos the rain, bruv!”

I don’t think i’m ever not going to stop using “Laos” in this way. For those who don’t get it, in England, we have a demographic of people that use the phrase “Allow it, bruv” meaning something to the effect of “I know that what I’m doing is wrong, but please allow me to do it”.

So anyway.

It’s approaching rainy season here, so every now and again we get full on torrential rain that “prevents” us doing activities such as swimming in lagoons, visiting temples, or even walking down the Sisavangvong road, looking for food. I use inverted commas, because it doesn’t really stop us from doing much, and it’s actually quite nice because it’s so damn HOT here.

Laos really is beautiful. The scenery is amazing, and Luang Prabang is on one of the best stretches of the Mekong river that I have seen in SE Asia. The people here are so friendly, and the food is something else. Luang Prabang is one of the more expensive places in Laos, but it’s all relative; A large pizza for 2 people costs about 50,000 kip (about $6.25) from one of the colonial-style boutique restaurants in central LP, but I imagine that stuff would be a bit cheaper in the old town - which I’ve yet to visit.

It’s odd, because i’ve not really done much in LP because i’ve been getting over a fever, but at no point have I felt like i’m wasting time in my guesthouse (which is also beautiful) because the attitude here is so laid back. The government enforce a curfew at 11:30 pm, meaning no bars pubs or clubs are open after, and you need to be off the streets by 12am. Plus, as i’ve previously mentioned, it’s so damn HOT here, that I really don’t feel like stressing out about seeing as much as possible, in the fastest time possible. I really feel relaxed.

Anyway. Apologies for lack of postage (again), i’ll hope to get more up in the next 2 weeks; because after that, we leave SE Asia for the USA!

Laos it bruv

Fri, 06 May 2011 00:00:00 +0000

Mammoth storm this evening. Seriously massive. Tried taking some shots with my DSLR, but there wasn’t enough light. Sucks. In all seriousness though, that was the biggest storm I’d ever been in; the sky literally turned black, and within 10 minutes, we had gale force winds, sideways rain, thunder and sheet lightning. Incredible.

Susie and I took refuge in a sushi restaurant (LUCKILY, HA) and ordered a massive batch of maki and tempura. Well nice. I then proceeded to save everyone’s lives (as you do) when I noticed a multi-power cord underneath a small brown table, that was being soaked by the rain; it was plugged into the mains, on, and had a desklamp plugged into it. I pointed it out to the owner, who ran out and switched the whole shebang off. What can I say, I also heroically saved their potted palms from stacking it in the rain (twice) without fear or hesitation. Yeah the storm here was ace and the most memorable bit of Laos so far, but i’ve DEFINITELY left my mark on Vientiane. I’m made of legend.

BK in BKK (again)

Thu, 28 Apr 2011 00:00:00 +0000

2 days in Bangkok again. This time, sans Songkran and my posse of awesome. Sad times. On to Lao though next, and hopefully there’ll be plenty more people / places to visit and see, and hopefully more opportunities for photo glory. Bring on Vientiane.

Coffee and KP

Wed, 20 Apr 2011 00:00:00 +0000

Sitting in the bar at our resort in KPN, I don’t think I ever want to leave. I’m thinking of staying here for another 6 months, getting trained in Yoga and becoming a buddhist. Getting my whole body covered in spiritualistic tattoos, and taking up muaythai boxing. Man, that’s a dream… But it won’t happen, because my mac’s at home. I’d miss it too much.

Songkran

Thu, 14 Apr 2011 00:00:00 +0000

The 13th to the 15th of April in the New Year in most of south east Asia. It’s a celebration of water, and traditionally involves dousing yourself with water that had been used to wash monks, which in the process becomes blessed. Traditionally, everyone is in high spirits, an it’s a time for people to visit their elders, wherever they might be.

In Thailand, it’s called Songkran.

It’s progressed through the years however, and while it still bears it’s holy significance, it’s now a huge party that takes place everywhere, for 3 days. It’s not even the 13th yet, and already I am utterly soaked. Street vendors and shops sell water guns and plastic pouches for phones and wallets, and the Khao San road - Which is usually packed - is devoid of stalls. There’s now a bloody massive area cordoned off for water fights.

Awesome. I need to buy a gun and soak some old people.

Friendliness in Bangkok

Sat, 09 Apr 2011 00:00:00 +0000

Happy Saturday!

The sun is shining most-awesomely today, the Bangkok smog has relented making it a bit cooler and brighter, and consequently, people seem a bit happier. Maybe that’s just because it’s Saturday though…

Anyway, I’m currently being stalked by two people from our guest house in Bangkok. The first and most intrusive, is a retired schoolteacher from Canada, who lives in Japan. She kind of resembles a dumpy, blond, wicked witch of the west, with a nose to match. She’s currently working on a teaching-material delivery solution that she can sell to schools, and is therefore on her computer most of the time. She originally asked me if I knew how to get online–as she was having trouble, and I wasn’t–and then concluded that when I fixed it for her, that I could troubleshoot any issues she has in the future with her MacBook Air. So far, she’s followed me to the health spa, the restaurant down the road, and almost out to dinner last night (Susie an I ran away like school kids when we saw her creeping down the stairs of our guest house). She also moved rooms to be OPPOSITE ours. None the less, conversation is always of a technical nature, and usually boring, because - as is the way with most people who use technology but don’t understand it - she tends to dispute what I say to her, like she knows better. Usually I just politely nod and agree, and then wonder why the hell she’s asking me in the first place.

Next, is the mid 30’s, balding, Scottish “Happy Mondays” old-school raver who insists of talking to me about the copious amounts of drugs he’s doing, in an obvious attempt to appeal to my “youth”. Again, I politely nod and agree when he tells me that “the Khao San Road isn’t what it used to be” and “it used to be so much easier to get drugs into Thailand”. Im guessing it was easier because the Thai officials at Suvarnabhumi Airport didn’t conduct cavity searches during his early smuggling days, which was another interesting conversation that I’m not divulging at this point. He also proceeded to tell me about his dead father (he’s obviously still mourning, so I let him talk) and the house that he left him In Hatton (which he sold to buy drugs and a camper van, in which he now lives, on the rare occasion in which he’s back home). I know I’m trying to be polite, so I listen and nod when I’m supposed to, feel sympathy when told about the loss of parents and / or foot bunions when you wear western shoes for 60 years, and pretend to be interested when told about upcoming technological advances in academia.

What makes people think they can open up to me and expunge their woes unto me? Maybe I’m just pretty, answers on a postcard please. Susie, meanwhile, is doing the sensible - if less social - act of making herself scarce while the torrents of unwelcome history are being divulged. What is she doing I hear you ask? Probably more interesting things like reading, or going to the Dusit Zoo without me. Sigh. Even as I write this, I seem to be attracting attention from an overweight native, drinking Leo Beer at 9am, who can’t talk a word of English, and who is ominously staring at me and my iPhone. I think he is mental; he keeps talking to no-one and making funny “tourettes-like” sounds and twitches frequently.

The laws of attraction state that “Like Attracts Like”. I hope this doesn’t mean that I’m seen as a mental, overweight drug addict, with foot problems, and a tendency to twitch at random.

Bk in BKK

Wed, 06 Apr 2011 00:00:00 +0000

Back in Bangkok now. It feels like we’ve never left! I love this city. I didn’t know it until we got back here. On arrival, Phranakorn messed up our booking, the double booked us! So we got a free upgrade to the family room!!!

AMAZING.

Anyway, the train journey last night was hell, it was an hour an a half late, and consequently, we arrived late. It was also insanely cold thanks to the air con, and so I hardly slept. Looking forward to a decent night here though now, back in “Bangkok Kitsch” :) Haiku’s coming soon.

Ps. In KPN I picked up a 4 foot tripod for my camera that compacts to under a foot; for a tenner! Eat that, gorillapod! :)

Sapa, Vietnam

Thu, 24 Mar 2011 00:00:00 +0000

After an horrendous journey on yet another sleeper bus, we’ve arrived in Sapa. I can only describe this place as being like a skiing town like Niederau in Austria, just with a distinct lack of snow. It’s about 1300 elevation, so it’s damn cold. The nearest peak is Fansipan, which is about 3000 elevation, and we’d be able to see it if it wasn’t for the thick layer of cold fog everywhere.

Regardless, Sapa is one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen, and it’s given me a really good excuse to test my new wide-angle lens (pics up soon).

We’ve done a couple of treks, one was down to Lao Cai, where there are several villages where the tribal minorities live-the Black H’Mong and the Red D’Zai, easily distinguishable by their distinctive hats that they wear. This would all be really awesome if it actually felt real. It’s not just a case that these tribes women (you don’t encounter the men, they’re busy farming the mountain or working on carving the landscape giving Sapa it’s distinctive shape) just play up to their culture, but most of them don’t even live in the minority village. It felt like Disneyland. I’m sure that it’s not like this with everyone, just the women selling you their crap at extortionate prices. Further more, hiking in Converse 1 size too small for you is not advised. Sprained my ankle twice, and my little toe on both feet are blistered to hell.

Back to Hanoi tomorrow via a (non smelly) sleeper train, arriving at 4am. We’ll stay here one night and then hopefully grab flights from Hanoi to Bangkok. We’ve met some really awesome people here in Hanoi and Sapa; the best of the lot always happen to be canadian. I can’t wait to go to Vancouver in 3 months :)

It’ll be a shame to leave Vietnam, but I have to be honest, the last 3 weeks have been emotionally and mentally challenging, what with all the travelling we’ve done, covering 2000km + in 3 weeks. I think I’ve physically aged about a hundred years.

I will come back one day though.

11 hours to go

Wed, 23 Mar 2011 00:00:00 +0000

I vow to never ever get a sleeping bus ever again. I’ve had enough. This one is tiny and smells of rotten garbage. There’s only two westerners on it; myself and Susie; and they’re playing some insanely annoying traditional music throughout the whole bus. We’re on our way from Hanoi to Sapa to do some trekking before heading off to Laos. In other words, another 13 hour sleeper. I’m so desperate to just have a couple of days full on rest, on a beach, with cheap beer and food; maybe some yoga, maybe some running. But at the moment it’s pretty much gogogo, and it has been since we arrived in Vietnam, as we’ve had so much ground to cover. We’re hoping for some respite in Laos, but apparently the journey from Dien Bien Phu, across the border, and into Luang Prabang is a LONG one. I.e 3 damn days. I can honestly say that from my experience, the further north you go in Vietnam, the more bullied you feel. People get more aggressive, the towns and cities get more arrogant, and the temperature gets wetter and colder. Even trying to buy stuff in Hanoi was a mission; on several occasions - on a quest to buy a lens hood because I broke my camera lens (I’ll explain when I’m not ranting) - I approached a guy in a shop, saw what I was looking for, asked him if I could see it, to which he bluntly and blankly replied No. They don’t want your money here. So anyway. Let me put it this way; At the moment, Susanna and I are taking sleeping shifts. Haha.

Hair today gone tomorrow

Mon, 21 Mar 2011 00:00:00 +0000

Before:

After:

Hue "-Hwei-"

Mon, 21 Mar 2011 00:00:00 +0000

So the last couple of days have been pretty full on. Following our departure from Dalat, we took a 6 hour bus to the chav-tastic beach town of Nha Trang, where I had an extremely painful ear cleaning session and a razor shave (see previous posts for proof). Awesome. After this, a nasty (but clean) sleeper bus for 13 hours to Hoi An. Which was so awesome, we stayed an extra night. Totally beautiful city and an amazingly hospitable hotel. Yellow french colonial buildings everywhere, with open front shops selling custom tailored clothes, shoes, and bed spreads (ask Susie about the latter). I got an amazing pair of jeans made for £15 and some leather sandals for a tenner. Food here was awesome too, the local specialities were Cao Lau (fresh noodles topped with roasted garlic, slices of pork and sweet basil), “White rose” (small, steamed wantons sprinkled with shallots) and Pho (noodle soup). Unfortunately, it rained most of the time. Yesterday we went to My Son, where there are remnants of Cham Hindu temples - there are Linga EVERYWHERE (crude stone dicks; seriously, there are literally hundreds of cocks in My Son). Kinda like Angkor Wat, but about a hundred times smaller. Today we came to Hue, Hoi An’s sister city, and took a bike tour around to see the Tu Duc tomb, which, funnily enough, wasn’t actually even a real tomb. Weird. Cool though.

From there, we were driven to a pagoda on the outskirts of town, over looking the River Perfume. Pretty cool, but it was getting way more rainy and cold. Rain + cold = unhappy Susie. And we all know what she’s like when she’s cranky :) So tomorrow, yet another 14 hour sleeper bus up to Hanoi. Where I shall procure running shoes, a waterproof cover for my camera and bag, and a pedicure and manicure.

And possibly watch Battle: LA in one of true cinemas (help me out, I wanna see it, but if it’s turd, I’d rather not waste my money :D).

Midnight bus to Hoi An

Sun, 20 Mar 2011 00:00:00 +0000

I feel like I’m in prison.

I’m in a tiny cubbyhole with my toes pressed up against the underneath of someone else’s bed. I can barely move, but at least I’m laying down. We’re on our way to Hoi An, which is about 300km north of Nha Trang (We made a 6 hour stop here on our way from Dalat). It’s a 13 hour journey overland by bus, hence the sleeper. It’s comfortable, but I feel like complaining because… Well, I just guess because I can. I’m a moany old bastard sometimes. The brakes died on the Dalat -> Nha Trang bus today too. Which was fun. There was an almighty loud bang, and a smell of burning. We got dumped at a food station for 30 minutes while the bus drove off (I’m assuming) to get some repairs (which was odd, because being on a mountain, you kind of assume that you’re isolated and there’s nothing around… ). Got some nice pictures here though. They’ll be up on FB when I either get a decent connection or I get out of Vietnam. X

I miss my board

Sat, 19 Mar 2011 00:00:00 +0000

Dalat is a headfuck. It feels and looks like a skiing resort in France, without the snow. And while it’s still cold here (I think it’s about 1500m above sea level) I’m still wearing shorts and sandals. Everyone else though, is wearing gloves. I wanna go snowboarding.

Yuck

Fri, 18 Mar 2011 00:00:00 +0000

On our way to The highland town of Dalat today. Looking forward to lower temperatures and not having to use AC at night; I have a cold. Which, is not necessarily a bad thing at the moment. Susie just informed me that someone let one go on the bus that we’re on. If someone continues to have bad bowels for the duration of this 8 hour bus journey, then hopefully I’ll be none the wiser. Unfortunately for Susie, she has no choice in the matter.

Can Tho and the Mekong

Thu, 17 Mar 2011 00:00:00 +0000

The last 2 days have been spent in the Mekong delta’s capital city of Can Tho. Here, one of the offshoots of the river Mekong provides the town with a prosperous riverside community and economy based primarily on the sale of fruit and vegetables. You can see this by taking a day trip on a tiny longboat 20k down stream to visit the Floating Markets.

I had visions of the markets being small, wooden huts (much like conventional land markets) on Jettys, floating on the river, separated by small canals wide enough to allow a longtail boat through. I was wrong; they were literally boats filled with an assortment of fruits and vegetables - piloted by women in Vietnamese “dome” hats, that lay stationary by the river banks - distinguishable by long bamboo sticks pointing upward into the sky, that hang the various produce being sold. Our driver - the legendary Huc - navigated these markets like a pro, picking pineapples and sour Vietnamese lychees, and offering them to us for our breakfast (we left the hotel at 5:30 am and got to the markets within an hour). The second we arrived at a Market, a middle-aged man accompanied by a kid holding soft drinks, sped over to us in an attempting to peddle his wares. You’re not safe, even on the river. Sigh.

After a couple of hours of fruit tasting and witty banter with Huc - Did I mention he was a legend? - we stopped due to low tide, and were told to walk about 2km as the boat would be too heavy with us inside. The walk gave us a taster of rural Mekong life, the road meandering along the rivers edge full of trees, bamboo, banana, pepper, jackfruit and lavender plants and humble houses and shacks containing excitable Vietnamese people who were more than willing to pose for photos (classic V hand gesture).

We arrived at a homestay and were fed very well, and for next to nothing ($8 dollars for 3 mains, 3 drinks, raw sweet potato and a bunch of fruit). Huc then took us back to the longboat, and back down the river to Can Tho, where I fell asleep in the sun for an hour. A truly amazing experience, augmented by a truly legendary guide. Huc, you are indeed, a legend. Back to Saigon now, Cu Chi tunnels and AK-47s await (added rocket launcher for good measure).

Ho Chi Min? Ho Chi MAX

Wed, 16 Mar 2011 00:00:00 +0000

I would recommend heartily doing every trip by yourself when in Vietnam. It takes a bit more planning and is obviously a bit more intimidating with the language barrier and all, but you’ll save about 50% on all travel costs. For example; we’re going to Can Tho today, and we organised a bus with our guesthouse, who quoted 160,000 dong each (about $8) We took a walk down Pham Ngu Lao street, and all of the operators were about the same. We booked with our guesthouse. Upon arrival at the bus station however, the going rate was 80,000 dong ($4). If we’d got a cab here instead of booking with the guesthouse, we’d have saved $8 between us. Sucks hey, but you learn from your mistakes.

In Cambodia, Thailand and Sri Lanka, the price quoted at the guesthouses were the same as they were at the bus stations. We assumed that Vietnam would be the same… Maybe it is the same outside of the larger cities - and I wouldn’t like to generalise - but we’ve at least learned a lesson and we’ll go straight to the source from now on. Yeah I sound like a tightwad; but when you’re surviving on $30 a day, you really need to economise.

At least we get free water on this bus.

Money worries

Sat, 12 Mar 2011 00:00:00 +0000

Furious. Money is always an issue for us out here. We’re trying to be deliberately careful with our budget (with the exception of Susie buying a £200 silk bed sheet) and banks keep on making this bloody hard. First of all, we’re getting charged about 5% every time we withdraw cash from a cash point. This 5% is roughly calculated at about 2.75% (the standard Visa charge for currency exchange) and 2% from Natwest - which happens to be the highest bank charge out of all the banks in England. In Thailand and Cambodia this wasn’t too much of an issue, because their ATM’s either wouldn’t charge a fee or you could get out large sums over the counter. In Vietnam, you can only get out a maximum of about 3,000,000 to 4,000,000 VND (£90 - £120) in one transaction via ATM, which each time incurs a fee of between 20,000 and 40,000 VND (60p - £1.20). So money in Vietnam has become a ball-ache. On Sunday, we withdrew 2 sets of 3,000,000 each for preparation to get money changed for our Laos Visas. Susie got one load of 3,000,000 from an Agrabank ATM, and I followed her up with another 3,000,000. We could hear the ATM counting money, but after 5 minutes it didn’t spit any out; the terminal just sat there on a “Please Wait” screen. Eventually, an error message popped up saying the transaction had been canceled. Annoying, but fair enough. I thought i’d just search around for another ATM with decent enough rates. HOWEVER. This morning after checking my balance, I’ve noticed that I’ve been charged the FULL AMOUNT as if the fucking ATM had dispensed my money! £90! If I had a bit more faith in my bank to resolve this, i might not be so stressed out today. But I don’t. And it’s going to mean another lengthy, expensive, crap quality call to Natwest today to sort it out.

I know this isn’t my banks fault, but as I said, I just don’t have any faith in those money grabbing bastards. My advice; If you have a Natwest account, DUMP THE WANKERS. /End

Unkempt

Tue, 08 Mar 2011 00:00:00 +0000

I want a shave. Man I think this is the longest it’s ever been.

Drunk

Mon, 07 Mar 2011 00:00:00 +0000

After a restless night in a jungle, a wakeup call from a rooster at 5 am, a walk in downtown Sihanoukville (which is officially a dump) I find myself on Serendipity beach, drunk on 3 glasses of cheap beer. At 4 pm. Everything’s funny when you’re drunk. And you find yourself fighting over 50 cents–with a kid peddler–over a bunch of bracelets that don’t fit you and/or look ugly.

Here’s a picture of a boy to keep you entertained:

Running Amok

Thu, 03 Mar 2011 00:00:00 +0000

I can cook like a Khmer. I’m pretty awesome…

… although Susie has issues cutting limes…

These fish taste cheesy

Wed, 02 Mar 2011 00:00:00 +0000

Fishy cheap labour?
Tickles like pins and needles.
Khmer seafood; cheesy…

Aranyaprathet to Poipet

Tue, 01 Mar 2011 00:00:00 +0000

After a long bus ride from Bangkok (6 hours) we arrived at the Thai border town of Aranyaprathet. I’m totally glad we did our research. Everywhere we’ve read said that this crossing isn’t nearly as bad as it used to be before the Khmer and Thai governments clamped down on scammers and started to police the area more, but for 2 people who very rarely go out of our comfort zones and hate confrontation, there was a large element of fear involved.

So, long story short; train arrives in Aran at 11am, we get an easy Tuk Tuk to the border just past Rongklua Market, and we get deposited in a large car park, off a not-particularly-official-looking white building. Like cattle, we got hurried into the building and sat down by some “friendly” Thais (who kept fucking shouting “LOVELY JUBBLY” at us… Sigh) and presented with Cambodian entry forms. Which we filled out. In my defence, I didn’t feel particularly comfortable here - the visa signs on the Walls were more or less drawn on - but I assumed that it was mainly nerves on my behalf. The Thais then asked for our passports and 1000 baht (£20), and told us they were getting our Visas for Cambodia. Luckily, Susie also felt uncomfortable, but she had the guts to question what was going on - she’d read the you don’t get issued visas until you exit Thailand - at which, the Thai “Officials” got angry and threw the papers back at us. So, we left, feeling slightly relieved I might add, and walked down the road toward the border. We easily spotted the Thai immigration office, went in and got stamped out of Thailand.

Easy. 5 minutes.

We’d heard that it was best to get across to Cambodia immigration and get in line before 12 to beat the buses coming from the Khao San Road in Bangkok, as they’re usually packed, so we hurried to immigration and got in line again. Amazing, 3 people in front of us. Easy! It was only then that we learned that we didn’t buy visas here; we just get stamped in once we had them. So, we left in a bit of a panic, and walked back on ourselves, asking people for directions to the Visa office (many people offering to do them for us on the way I might add). Visa purchase went by easily, but the Khmer officials did try to charge us an “admin fee” of 100 baht (£2) each, to which we refused, but got our Visas anyway. So, back in line for stamps, we’d realised that while we were walking back and buying the Visas, the KSR buses had arrived. The line took 3 hours. Ouch.

The funniest thing about this whole crossing was the difference between both border towns; the second we got through in Cambodia, no longer were we presented by farms, rice paddies and trees, but barren sandy fields, dust and litter. Oh, and A MILLION SWARMING TOUTS TRYING TO SELL US EVERYTHING.

In short, here’s a brief guide on how to survive Aranyaprathet - Poipet border crossing.

Prebook a guest house in Siem Reap and ask them to get a taxi to pick you up. $40.
Arrive in Aran by train. It’s 48 baht (£1) from Huampulong train station in Bangkok.
At Aran, get a Tuk Tuk to the border for 60 baht. Negotiate if they try to put the price up, this is a standard price.
At the border - if you haven’t purchased E-visas - IGNORE EVERYONE and walk straight toward the border. DO-NOT go into ANY buildings unless they say IMMIGRATION. You can’t miss the the office, it’s on the left. Follow everyone else :)
Stamp out of Thailand
Walk about 2 minutes, under the large arch that looks like Angkor Wat. Immediately on the right, enter the official looking building filled with Cambodian officials in uniform, and buy your visa for $20. No more.
Walk out, continue down to Arrivals on the right.
Beat the KSR buses and queue for 5 minutes. Stamp in.
Put your head down, ignore EVERYONE (even police, as they’re just as eager to grab your cash as the touts) and find your prebooked taxi.
Win, and look back, laugh at everyone else who gets cattle shuttled into “free transport” buses.

Temple overload

Tue, 01 Mar 2011 00:00:00 +0000

Day 1: Driver: “Enjoy your temples” Me: “We will! this looks AMAZING!! Angkor Wat is beautiful!”

Day 2: Driver: “Enjoy your temples” Me: “Kinda tired, but yeah sure. My feet are a bit bruised from wearing crap sandals and hiking 2km uphill, and I have a distinct lack of money from the fact that beggars are everywhere, but yeah; I’ll enjoy them. Even though they’re all starting to look the same.

Early train to Aranyaprathet

Sun, 27 Feb 2011 00:00:00 +0000

This train is long.

We’re currently travelling east towards the Thai / Cambodia border. The train takes about 5 hours and only has 3rd class - which is cool, because it’s 48 baht (about a pound) for the whole journey. I’ve managed to tip my cap and sleep twice, although I now have a crick in my neck (need another massage :D). The countryside is beautiful mind, and we caught the sunrise as we left Bangkok at around 6am. Other than the Mosquitos, I don’t quite mind the journey. Let’s just hope that the border crossing goes smooth today… There are horror stories about Aran/Poipet, the touts and the scams… Eeeek!

Vertigo, materialism and MacBooks

Sat, 26 Feb 2011 00:00:00 +0000

I’ve often said that I “suffer” from vertigo. I generally get the “chill” when i’m up high, holding something like a camera, have glasses on, or are wearing a hat.

It’s a very odd thing, and I’ve spoken to a few people about their fears of heights and how / why it usually manifests. One guy I was speaking to said that he has this overwhelming urge to jump over the side of whatever or wherever he’s at. I can kind of understand this destructive urge, I remember having something similar when I was growing up - albeit not so life threatening - where I took a penknife to my brand new bike. Can’t tell you why I did, but it happened. And it seems to have carried on manifesting itself through various points.

My “vertigo”, as previously mentioned, seems to come from this urge to throw things over the edge, in a kind of curiosity to see what happens. The urge usually results in me consciously holding on tighter to whatever I’m holding, usually also making me panic. It happens also when I see someone doing something similar, like taking pictures over the edge of a boat from the top deck, or being on the phone at the top of the Segrada Familia in Barcelona.

I was on a train, and looking out from the window, I had the same kind of “chill” that I get when I’m high up. I was daydreaming about hanging my iPhone from the headphones out of the window, to see how long it would take to detach and fall to the ground.

It made me realise I don’t have vertigo; I think I’m just excessively materialistic and I’m scared of losing stuff… Which is a depressing thought when you’re travelling through poverty and places where consumerism doesn’t exist to the extent that we’re used to in the western world. It makes me feel guilty for wanting a new MacBook, car or gadget for my camera wen I don’t need one and could spend the money on more essential things.

“Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose” - Janice Joplin.

Must explain why people living in the highlands of Sri Lanka don’t think twice before standing at a precipice at the Ella Gap (which again, when seen, caused a classic case of “vertigo”), or when ferry workers in the Gulf of Thailand hang from the railings, they have nothing to throw over, nothing to worry about losing. Nothing to hang from train windows or to criss-cross with a penknife.

Note: For anyone reading this that doesn’t see it, it’s a metaphor for my guilt, and the shackles that materialism binds us with. I’m not literally attributing happiness and freedom to the ability to casually destroy an iPhone :)

Leaving today

Thu, 24 Feb 2011 00:00:00 +0000

Leaving Ko Phangan today. A week here has been awesome, and has more or less been a holiday all by itself.

We’re about £100 over-budget over the last month (can’t believe it’s been a month already!) but we hope to remedy that over the next 6 weeks; Vietnam, Cambodia and Laos are all supposed to be cheaper, in that order. Thailand isn’t as cheap as we’ve been lead to believe :(

Anyway; given my bike back this morning, no issues! But I would recommend that if you’re here and you rent a bike, washing it first before you hand it back. The lady at the rental office seemed to appreciate it and didn’t even really bother to check the bike over! I’m going for another massage today before we leave for Bangkok, because my back feels like it’s ruined ever since yoga 2 days ago. Let’s hope I’m fixed, because we have A LOT of walking over the next week.

Here’s a picture to keep you entertained, until next time. X

Top 10 at 6

Thu, 24 Feb 2011 00:00:00 +0000

Top 10 places visited so far:

Top 2 least favourite places visited so far:

Update

Tue, 22 Feb 2011 00:00:00 +0000

We’ve been in Ko-Phangan for about 5 days so far, and I have to say that this is - by far - the nicest place that I have ever been.

This is essentially why I haven’t really been blogging much since I arrived, I’ve been busy relaxing on beaches, driving my scooter around the island and drinking cocktails, watching the sun set. If you’re reading this and you’re jealous, then I don’t apologise; just come here for yourself and you’ll understand what I mean. I’m currently working on a google map of all the places we’ve visited, and I’ve just uploaded a bunch of pictures from the resort we’re in. Also, this morning, we did yoga; AMAZING. I needed a massage afterwards, to I went to a resort next door to the one we’re currently in. I paid 250 baht for it (about a fiver) and it lasted about an hour. Funny thing though, before the masseuse started, the conversation went something like this:

Masseuse: “You want soft or hard?” (broken english)\ Me: “Hard please, korp khun karp” (thank you)\ Masseuse: “I make it very hard for you”\ Me: “That’s what she said”

Needless to say, my comedy fell on deaf ears. I laughed loads though.

Thailand and Koh Phangan

Sun, 20 Feb 2011 00:00:00 +0000

I’m currently sitting on the porch of our bungalow at half past 11 on a Sunday, in Ko Phangan. I’m watching a few music videos and reading a few bits online, one in particular, about how Kanye West is suing the band Every Time I Die because of some fake twitter re-tweets that they did, promoting their new album, New Junk Aesthetic. Search for some, they’re pretty funny. I only mention this, because I’m not entirely sure where to start for this blog post. I don’t think I’ve posted since I got to Thailand, and I haven’t taken many pictures either. But that’s not to say that nothing interesting has happened. For starters… On the day we arrived, I think I went a bit mental, due to lack of sleep. So the first day was a write off, I more or less made Susie do everything for me :D I felt really self conscious doing anything, and I didn’t even feel like talking to the locals. I basically had dinner and then fell asleep. The next day though (Thursday 17th) was much better. I’d rested fully in the most amazing bed, got up, had a thai massage (which was killer, but damn it sorted my back out :D) followed by breakfast. We then made a journey to Siam Square by taxi, and spent the day at the MBK center.

Wow.

7 floors of Camden Market basically, with a whole floor full of phones, computers, iPads, iPods, iPhones, Blackberrys, Samsung Galaxy tabs, PS3s, Xboxes, phone cases and covers, batteries, lenses, cameras and all other hardware pornography. I was, however, not allowed to spend any time there. Understandably I guess, because I probably would have spend a bucket load on stuff I didn’t need. I watched 3 Thai guys on a DDR machine - they were awesome - and I think, a local tournament of Street Fighter 3. Susie and I ate sushi, we bought T-shirts and shorts, bags, hats and various other things that we didn’t bring with us, as well as 2 large cardboard boxes. Getting back to the hotel, we boxed up about half of our stuff that we hadn’t used (Susie’s ENTIRE makeup bag included… haha) and our packs are now a ton lighter. We washed all our clothes and got the smell of mosquito coils out from our bags.

In other words, recuperated.

The next day (18th) , we had to check out pretty early, but we stayed in Bangkok for another few hours; Our overnight train to Surat Thani wasn’t due to leave until 7:45, so we went for more sushi :D (still not as good as Makiyaki’s, mind). The train left promptly, and although it wasn’t lush, my sleeping compartment was comfortable and air conditioned; hardly slept at all though :( Waking up the next morning (19th) after about 3 hours sleep was tough, then having to change onto a bus, for a 2 hour drive to the pier, and then a 2 hour ferry ride to Ko Phangan. The ferry was good, but me - the numpty that I am - sat next to a bloody massive exhaust. It was hot, and I was shoe-polish-black afterwards. I felt like I’d been sweeping chimneys. Finally, we arrived at Ko Phangan, and I got scammed 400 baht when trying to grab a cab. Dick move. What a great first impression… Oh well. Upon arrival at Sunflower though, we immediately booked 2 more nights here, bringing it to a total of 6 nights here. This place is incredible. I’ll put some photies up at some point, so you all can get utterly jealous of where we are :D I say all of this, slightly uninteresting blurb, purely to get it out of the way. I fully intend to write a bit more regularly in the future, I just think I needed a chance to chill out for a bit. I now have to listen to a crowd of frenchies at the beach playing house music at midnight, at insane decibels. And i’m getting destroyed my mosquitoes. Ergh.

Back to my point anyway: ETID