I’ve often said that I “suffer” from vertigo. I generally get the “chill” when i’m up high, holding something like a camera, have glasses on, or are wearing a hat.
It’s a very odd thing, and I’ve spoken to a few people about their fears of heights and how / why it usually manifests. One guy I was speaking to said that he has this overwhelming urge to jump over the side of whatever or wherever he’s at. I can kind of understand this destructive urge, I remember having something similar when I was growing up - albeit not so life threatening - where I took a penknife to my brand new bike. Can’t tell you why I did, but it happened. And it seems to have carried on manifesting itself through various points.
My “vertigo”, as previously mentioned, seems to come from this urge to throw things over the edge, in a kind of curiosity to see what happens. The urge usually results in me consciously holding on tighter to whatever I’m holding, usually also making me panic. It happens also when I see someone doing something similar, like taking pictures over the edge of a boat from the top deck, or being on the phone at the top of the Segrada Familia in Barcelona.
I was on a train, and looking out from the window, I had the same kind of “chill” that I get when I’m high up. I was daydreaming about hanging my iPhone from the headphones out of the window, to see how long it would take to detach and fall to the ground.
It made me realise I don’t have vertigo; I think I’m just excessively materialistic and I’m scared of losing stuff… Which is a depressing thought when you’re travelling through poverty and places where consumerism doesn’t exist to the extent that we’re used to in the western world. It makes me feel guilty for wanting a new MacBook, car or gadget for my camera wen I don’t need one and could spend the money on more essential things.
“Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose” - Janice Joplin.
Must explain why people living in the highlands of Sri Lanka don’t think twice before standing at a precipice at the Ella Gap (which again, when seen, caused a classic case of “vertigo”), or when ferry workers in the Gulf of Thailand hang from the railings, they have nothing to throw over, nothing to worry about losing. Nothing to hang from train windows or to criss-cross with a penknife.
Note: For anyone reading this that doesn’t see it, it’s a metaphor for my guilt, and the shackles that materialism binds us with. I’m not literally attributing happiness and freedom to the ability to casually destroy an iPhone :)